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32 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • August 2015 family values Change is Coming BY ELAINE STONE Viewpoint #2: Instead of fighting it, learn to embrace and cope with it. If you always see it as a battle, it will conquer you. It will happen despite your best efforts to combat it. If you see it as a new beginning instead of an ending, you can reframe this potential enemy into a positive. Uncharted territory holds adventure, promise, potential and unknown possibilities. So, to all those who have a ginormous "Change" sign in their front yards, take comfort - we all stand with you. Take heart in the words of Thomas Hardy, "Time changes everything, except something within us which is always surprised by change." Give your heart time to catch up and marvel at those caterpillars which will soon be butterflies. Elaine Stone, mother of three, lives in Spotsylvania County. Write: elainestone@juno.com C hange ... it's a sure thing. It's as sure as the huge warning sign cemented in the front yard. You know, the one on the large yellow triangle: "Change Coming." Well, it may not be there, but it should be. Change is a constant. We know it's going to happen, yet we're surprised by it. Like when I was a young mom and every time I thought my baby was on a schedule ... nope, he wasn't! As sure as we're born, changes keep happening. Ugh ... changes grate so against our natural inclinations to nest, snuggle-in and build a dependable/reliable life. For all our efforts, change has its way. As long as we have breath, processes occur. In that regard, the absence of change — permanence — only happens in death. Leading to... Viewpoint #1: Change means you are alive! If you can't find solace in any other aspect, start here! Even though it seems antagonistic to our emotions, change is inherent in our DNA. Coming to grips and admitting change is going to occur and perhaps, "you don't like it," is a first step in coping and resolving its issues. The work of coping with change actually lies in our emotions/heart. The outward is easy compared to the inward. Yes, I may have cried when my son took his first steps onto a school bus, but putting him on that bus was not the hardest part; I knew he was safe. The most difficult part was getting my emotions to catch up with what my brain knew was true. I had to cope and deal with my emotions. I had to get myself comfortable with separation and learn to entrust his care to others. And I needed to put his needs, growth and development ahead of my own feelings. "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fi ghting the old, but on building the new." - Socrates