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www.FredParent.NET • 49 tween & teen Middle School With puberty in full swing, and boys and girls starting to become interested in dating, the focus of your conversations should become more about relationships as well as your own personal beliefs and values when it comes to sex. "You want to talk about what it means to be in a relationship," says Dr. Mindy J. Erchull, an associate professor with the Department of Psychological Science at University of Mary Washington. "Talk about healthy relationships versus dysfunctional relationships, behaviors you want in a partner, what it means to be exclusive versus non-exclusive, and unwanted physical contact." During this stage, parents should help their children deal with the physical and emotional changes of puberty, help them develop decision-making and problem-solving skills to cope with their personal relationships, help them figure out when they are ready to date, as well as how to resist peer pressure to be sexually active. High School While it is easy to tell your teenagers not to have sex, you should be encouraging abstinence while arming them with the facts. Don't talk down to your teen, but rather, inform them about the risks associated with having intercourse, including pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases. "You want to talk to them about sex and the implications of sex," says Rochford. "You want to talk to them about safe sex practices. It won't make them want to have sex, but there are outside influences that parents can't control, and you want to give your kids as much information as possible." Kids have access to huge amounts of information about sex these days thanks to the media and internet, but parents should remain one step ahead of it all. "All parents need to give themselves permission to be uncomfortable during these conversations, but push through it anyway," says Erchull. "Give yourself permission to not know every answer, but don't let that keep you from having these conversations with your kids. You are giving your children the best chance possible to succeed in their lives." ages & stages