Fredericksburg Parent

September 2014

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12 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • September 2014 1. Make all extended family fully accessible. in Ten Rules for Post Divorce Parenting, rachael rose says that allowing children to maintain regular access to both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins can contribute to a child's self-esteem, as well as their sense of security and belonging. For some, this means arranging times for visits, and if location is a challenge, having a landline that the child can use or a pre-paid cell phone with loved ones' names and numbers programmed in. 2. Make them aware of boundaries and differences. it's more than likely that your rules and your former spouse's rules won't be the same and your child will know this. "When they say, 'We don't do this at mommy/daddy's house' you can respond with 'That's how mommy/ daddy does things. here, we do things differently,'" says rose. Be comfortable and calm in explaining rule difference, even if they pout or object. They will acclimate to it and accept the rule differences faster. 3. Don't Pay for the Guilt Trip. Children love to test the waters. When there are two households with differing rules, it becomes an opportunity to play one against the other for their benefit. A common fear, especially among non-custodial parents, is wasting precious visitation time with too much discipline and a fear of not being liked as much as the other parent. This is where imparting discipline benefits you both. "The key to discipline in any situation is consistency. offer firm statements like, 'it's fine that you don't have to clean your room at your dad's house, but here we pick up our own toys.' you may be called the mean one, but try to remember that kids are always testing their limits. your child will ultimately benefit from the security your rules provide," says Lynn Fredericks in Discipline after Divorce. 5 Ways to Lay a Healthier Foundation for Your Children POST-Divorce By Chris Jones C learly defined rules and boundaries are the reason why some children from divorced families seem to adjust better than others. one of the chal- lenges divorced parents face are rule differences between households. if not addressed, this leaves wiggle room for children to play parents against one another's household standards. here are a few tips that can be used as foundational standards in both houses despite parenting style differences.

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