Fredericksburg Parent

24 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • March 2024 This is the story of two local women who came together, one a survivor and one an advocate. Shelby [her real name] was 16 when she had her first real relationship. Her new boyfriend (Jack, not his real name) behaved in ways that seemed pretty typical with new love: he moved the relationship quickly and intensely, always wanted to know where she was, and showered her with flattery. All were also typical of 'love-bombing,' a common way abusive relationships begin. Jack constantly texted her, checked her shared location on his phone, and made a point of knowing whom she was with. None of the behavior concerned Shelby. She was young and, like many teens, thought that's how relationships worked. Gradually, however, Jack went from monitoring to controlling her relationships with others by telling her that her parents and friends didn't have her best inter- ests at heart or they weren't good for her. Without her recognizing it, he was beginning another typical abusive pattern—isolating Shelby from her friends and family. As time went on, she realized how control- ling he was. By then, he'd also become verbally and physically abusive. But he employed another common power move by abusers, immediately following his abuse with affection and apologies. Eventually, his bad behavior increased and his apologies stopped. Then the threats began—specifically, to hurt her and her friends. By this time, she knew she was in real danger. With the help of her parents, who never gave up on their once happy and confident daughter, Shelby finally found the courage to go to court to request a temporary restraining order. Unfortunately, the system failed her and the order wasn't granted (that's another story). But as they were leaving the courthouse, Shelby's father saw a pamphlet pinned to a board. It was for Empowerhouse. He took the pamphlet. That simple act changed Shelby's life. Empowerhouse is a Fredericksburg non-profit for the care and support of domestic violence victims and their children. Jacqueline 'Jackie' Oliveira, the organization's services director, started working there as a court advocate five years ago. As a child, she'd witnessed her sister's abusive relationship and her hard-won bid to escape it. Jackie knew back then that she wanted to become an advocate. Through partnerships with the community, Empowerhouse provides support to victims of abuse. In addition to fundraisers, community events and presentations, the nonprofit also partners with area sheriff departments and Mary Washington Hospital and serves five counties. After reading the pamphlet that Shelby's dad picked up, her mom pushed her to have an advocate in court. So when Shelby made that call, Jackie was the one who answered the phone and has been there for her ever since. Through Empowerhouse, Jackie has supported Shelby, being an active advocate in her future court dates, counseling her, and making sure she has the support she needs. "She gave me authority to believe what I went through was real.," says Shelby. and Know How to Get WRITTEN BY ANN BOWER HERREN SUPPORT FOR VICTIMS TEEN DATING VIOLENCE HELP HELP FOR YOUR Recognize Child

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