Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 E R I K A ERIKA SAYS: My 6-year-old son has also been testing limits and pushing boundaries of late. I totally sympathize and understand; I'm exhausted by the constant badger- ing! I find myself over explaining my reason for each deci- sion, rule, or consequence, as well as caving in and giving him what he wants, just so we can be done with what feels like a debate team competition. Part of me admires that your daughter, much like my son, is determined and brave enough to speak her mind. Like everything else in parenting, figuring out the "why" is the key to finding a solution to your problem. This was no easy task for me, nor was it an easy pill to swallow, when I concluded that I was contributing to my son's behavior. Here are some reasons why your daughter might not take "no" for an answer: • Your daughter has figured out that if she pesters you enough, you'll give in. Every time you cave, you're teaching her that if she bothers someone enough, she'll eventually get what she wants. • You're inconsistent when it comes to rules. If you set up a rule, stick to it. Consistently giving in teaches your daughter you don't mean what you say. • You're saying no too often. Repeatedly saying no, especially without reasoning, may have your daughter feeling restricted and desiring a bit of freedom. Here are some things I've been trying in my home: • Once I make a decision, I offer an explanation—any- thing beyond that is over-explaining. I acknowledge why my son's upset and offer empathy, but I also let him know my answer still stands and I will not discuss it further. • When setting rules and boundaries, it's critical that you respect them, too. I've learned this the hard way, as I often bend some of my own rules when I need to buy myself extra time to accomplish a task. For example, we have a 25-minute screen time rule in our home. Sometimes, in fact, a couple times a week, I let my son go a little longer because it buys me time to get something done, which ultimately creates con- fusion and frustration for the both of us. • It's OK to say yes! It's OK to give your daughter what she wants within reason. At times I find myself saying "no" because it's easier to do so. For example, my son asking to play with Playdoh while I'm cooking dinner usually gets a "no" from me. Why? Because I feel like I have to supervise Playdoh activities, and if I'm cook- ing dinner, I can't. However, I can, in fact, supervise playdoh activities. I can say "yes" and ask him to bring a few colors to play with in the breakfast nook while I cook. Understand that if you have fed your daughter's behavior up until now, you can expect pushback when you make a change. But be assured, this behavior is as easy to fix as it is to create. As long as you remain consistent, you'll start to see improvement in your daughter. I've already seen changes in my son. Don't lose hope and know that I am cheering you on! MAGAZINES REACH PREMIUM AUDIENCES IN HIGHINCOME HOUSEHOLDS* At a greater rate than newspapers, internet, radio or TV * Household income $250K+ (MRI-Simmons, Fall 2019)

• Cover