Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1487307
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 E R I K A ERIKA SAYS: I want to thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your concern with us. I feel confident you have come to the right place, and I hope we're able to offer you some ideas to work with. I assure you, many moms struggle with this issue. A good place to start is to ask yourself what fears are causing your anxiety, which in turn is causing you to 'smother mother' your children. Fear is the driving force behind helicopter parenting. Figuring out the root cause of your fears will help you become aware of your less-than-helpful parenting patterns. I know this, because while I have been a laidback par- ent for most of my son's life, there was a time when I found myself hovering over him. When I became a single parent, I felt the need to pro- tect my son from any unnecessary suffering. He had suddenly become a "statistic," and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure he would thrive in a single parent home. To overcompensate for the absence of his father, I began to make excuses for his behavior. While some of his acting out was due to the changes in our home life, most of it was because of my unhealthy parenting patterns. Prior to this, I took pride in knowing that my son was independent for his age. He's good at using his words, setting boundaries, and sticking up for himself in social settings, a confident little boy who was not afraid to try new things. I was often praised for the maturity he displayed for his age. Reflecting on this reminded me that trying to control a false narrative driven by my fears was going to create issues for him down the road. Honestly, it was creating issues for me. It's exhausting trying to protect our kids from everything. Moms do that, don't they? We feel called to care for our children, keep them out of harm's way, and shelter them from all the world's evils. But part of parenting is stepping back so they can fall, get up and try again. Allowing our children to stumble and learn from their mistakes is loving them deeply. When we do step back, it quickly becomes apparent that relinquishing control gives children the opportu- nity and space to become confident and independent as they grow. Even as small children, they can learn cause and effect, right from wrong, and consequenc- es due to poor choices. Moms are like shepherds who tend to their flocks. There to guide them, lead them, help them, and teach them. Shepherds lead from behind and step in when necessary. When you take this approach, it gives you the opportunity to praise them when they win and teach them when they lose. They will cherish these moments when they become adults—even more so should they one day become parents themselves.