Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 21 FP: So, let's talk about your parenting. How were you as a parent to your girls' pre-cancer? MH: I've been fully involved. I've got my two girls. They've gone to daycare, but we do stuff on the weekends, and it's like a little comradery between me and my daughter's here. FP: And what did your girls understand about the process you were going through? How did you walk them through it? MH: I was very open with them about each step. I didn't shield them from the side effects that I could have. They are the ones who shaved my head—well, they helped shave my head. My sister shaved it, but they helped cut my hair the day I shaved my head. I had them fully involved in that. There were some books; there's a book called "Cancer Party" that was recommended to me and it lays it out for the kids in a pretty simple way. But the biggest thing was not shielding them and being very open with them about what was going on. FP: Fast forward to now. How long have you been a cancer survivor? MH: I was diagnosed last August (2019), and I had a double mastectomy [this August]. So, I would say officially I'm cancer-free as of August 12. FP: What advice do you have for moms who are about to walk in your shoes—dealing with possibly the beginning of treatment and parent- ing and raising a family through it? What are some things they should look out for? What should they expect? What should they let go of and just be OK with? MH: The biggest thing is giving yourself grace. Allow yourself to feel if you're scared. Allow people to help you. If you have bad days, allow yourself to have bad days and just know that it does get better and just be patient with your- self. You're going to feel sick. You're going to feel tired. You're not going to want to do stuff. Allow yourself to feel that. Don't feel bad if you need to take care of yourself and focus on yourself for a little while. FP: And when you went through chemo and treatment, what did that teach you about parenting and family and the value of that? MH: I realized that the whole 'it takes a vil- lage' thing is 100 percent true. I couldn't have made it through and parented my kids the way I did if I didn't have support of my family and friends. And knowing I wasn't alone was the biggest thing in my parenting. I knew I had backup and help from friends and family. FP: What have you learned about yourself through your breast cancer journey? MH: I am so much stronger than I ever thought, between going through this and my divorce at the same time. I never would have thought that I would have been able to go through cancer, multiple surgeries, chemo, eventually radiation, still work full time, parent my kids and homeschool them for a while in the spring during everything and still survive. So, I'm just so much stron- ger than I thought I was. FP: Wow. That is impressive. MH: Yeah, it's been a heck of a year-and- a-half. FP: What's the value of support to a person going through breast cancer? MH: The biggest thing for me was know- ing that I wasn't alone. Nobody that I was around personally could understand exactly what I was going through because nobody else had really experienced it. But I knew if I needed to cry on somebody's shoulder, I had a bunch of people I could call just to complain if I was feeling crappy one day. If I needed a little bit of pepping up one day, or if I needed to say to somebody, "Can you come watch my kids for a little while so I could take a nap" I had support. It just allowed me to focus on me and know I wasn't alone in the whole thing. The biggest thing is giving yourself grace. Allow yourself to feel if you're scared.

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