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22 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • October 2020 clash clash WRITTEN BY CHRISTA MELNYK HINES ages & stages PARENTING STYLES PARENTING STYLES We all come to parenthood with a certain set of expecta ons and assump ons about raising kids. Naturally, we assume our partner will share our healthy outlook. That is, un l we fi nd ourselves bu ng heads in the midst of a heated child-rearing dilemma. How do we navigate a paren ng style confl ict without confusing our kids and harming our rela onship with our partner? Discuss your upbringing with your partner. "In a perfect world, we would have these conversa ons when we are da ng," says adolescent and family therapist Melissa Perry, LPC. How we raise our kids is o en dictat- ed by how our parents raised us—or how we wish we'd been raised. As a couple, discuss each other's child- hoods. For example, what was your parents' disciplinary style? How did they interact with you? What to do When LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND AND EMPATHIZE WITH EACH OTHER'S EXPERIENCES. "Most people know that it doesn't feel good to scream at their kids. Most people know it doesn't feel good to hit them, but they do it because they say 'I turned out okay,'" says Ca Winkel, a wellness coach, who works with individuals and families. "Once we start fi guring out what that's created in their lives, how they interact and how they have rela onships with people, they start to recognize 'oh, maybe things could have been a li le bit diff erent,'" Winkel says. PARENT AS A TEAM. Even if you are divorced or separated, focus on presen ng a united front when it comes to paren ng. "It's fi ne for parents to each have their own way of interac ng with their children. As a ma er of fact, it's healthy because it teaches children to be more fl exible and to adapt be er in diff erent environments," says Colleen Huff , a cer fi ed parent educator. Discuss the ideal home environment you want to create, the types of family rules that are important to each of you, and zero in on common goals. Holiday tip: Holiday tip: We all came from families!