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www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 2) FIND YOUR FAMILY'S "SWEET SPOT" Going grocery shopping first thing in the morning sounds like a smart idea, but perhaps your children behave better right after naptime in the afternoon, or after a few hours when they've had a chance to play freely first. You probably already instinctually know when your kids' "sweet spot" is for good behavior. Try to plan your shopping trip for this time, and plan the rest of your day accordingly. 3) SET EXPECTATIONS A lot of us may threaten consequences in the midst of a meltdown or bad behavior, but that is ineffective, because the children have already stopped listening. Even very young children thrive and actually want you to set your hopes for what you expect from them, even if it doesn't seem like they do. Before you head to the store or get out of the car, articulate what you expect from them clearly. Will they each be allowed to pick out one special treat? Who will help push the cart this time? What will the consequences be for fighting, whining or running off? What will the reward be for meeting your expectations? Be clear and precise, and don't enter the store until you've taken a moment to let them know what you expect from the trip. 4) PLAY GROCERY STORE GAMES My son learned to read, in part, by playing grocery store scavenger hunt on those now-nostalgic trips. I'd make a simple scavenger hunt list of items for him to find, but he'd have to figure out what the word was first by sounding it out. If he found everything, he'd get a lollipop from my bag, which kept him quiet for the rest of the time. For younger kids not ready for reading, you can make a scavenger hunt list by drawing simple pictures of things they can find in the store. You can also quickly prep some "grocery store bingo" sheets ahead of time, or even just make a quick game of "how many things can you find that are purple?" and similar "I Spy"-type games. 5) FOLLOW THE "HALFWAY" RULE WITH REWARDS My trick for making the most out of a reward for my son while grocery shopping was to make sure he was given it halfway through the experience, not at the end. This way, the reward, whether it was a big lollipop or a new book in my bag of tricks, could keep him entertained and quiet the rest of the time, just as his attention span for whatever game I utilized was wearing. If you're playing a game or just expecting good behavior while shopping, be sure to stop halfway through and reward your kids at that point with something that will also extend the life of their good behavior. 6) DELEGATE SIMPLE JOBS Sometimes, it's easier to just do everything ourselves, but remember—kids are not tag-along accessories. Our goal is to teach them life skills for when they're ready to emerge out into the world on their own. Give out simple, age- appropriate jobs that they can do at the grocery store to both keep them busy and help you out. Older kids can walk off a bit to find you a funny-looking pineapple, and they can figure out simple math and calculations. Younger kids can put non-breakable items in the cart and put things on the conveyor belt for you. Contributing, even in small ways, makes all children feel valued, needed, and empowered. Finally, please stop worrying about what strangers and other people out in public think about the way you are parenting or the way your kids are acting. I truly think this mentality actually sabotages how our kids do act, whether you realize it or not, because it means your focus is not solely on engaging with them, but rather what others may be thinking when your 3-year- old has a tantrum or your kindergartener is whining for something. When you're with your kids somewhere, try your best to be 100 percent engaged with them, and act as if you have blinders on to everything else around you. Trust me—no one else is noticing what your kids are doing as much as you may think they are. Childhood goes too fast, and you can chose to take something as mundane as grocery shopping and turn it into an opportunity for bonding and education for everyone. Good luck! Before you head to the store...clearly articulate what you expect from them.