I used to be an organized person…or at least I used to be able to appear like an organized person.
In my pre-mommy life I was a conference planner, but that was before five other people could mess with my schedule, my to-do list, and my sanity.
I really am a planner at heart. I really want to be that organized, put together, getterdone, check things off my list kinda gal.
I’d like to be able to accomplish SOMETHING! Anything!!!
There is always something that sneaks up and changes the dynamics of my day. I’ve said before that I feel like I’m always flying by the seat of my pants because my best-laid plans are for naught most days.
Spontaneity is great for a night out but not as a way of life.
I’m wondering if maybe putting a little bit less on my to-do list would be helpful…then maybe I could end the day without feeling disappointed.
I have a friend who says, “Do a little, do it well.” I think I’m more “Do a lot, do it okay.” Or “Try to do a lot. Find you can’t. Then beat yourself up about it.” Yeah that’s me.
My kids want me…just me. Not me and a perfect house…you can’t have any fun in a perfect house anyway.
There are a lot of sayings about a messy house being a happy home. I get the idea to a point but a little order is good…right? I think the key is finding balance, understanding my priorities, relaxing.
Maybe relaxing some of our expectations…the reasonable ones and the unreasonable ones.
Honestly, we all probably need to relax in general. I know…show me how, when and where and I’m there.
As much as I wish relaxing was a glass of sweet tea, a good book and a hammock…mine is more sitting on the grass watching my son’s soccer game, putting aside my work to enjoy my daughters riding bikes in the cul de sac, or sharing the sofa with three or more children to watch a movie.
In some ways maybe it’s an attitude.
Choosing not to stress about the stuff we can’t fix and maybe even the stuff we can.
Now that’s a God-sized task to be sure! But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) There is also this lovely verse, ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)
I think it’s okay to be still and quiet and rest.
Okay, so how are we gonna do this rest thing?
I’ve been trying to figure it out for days, months…years.
When was the last time I felt rested, calm, and strong? Hmmmm…that’s a good question. But I do remember a time.
It was right after my husband announced he wanted to leave. Those months of anguish were also months of profound peace and calm. I believe it was solely because I was saturated with Scripture. I also had a clarity about what was important. And it wasn’t accomplishing great things nor was it a clean house or work completed. It was and always will be my children.
Tonight my children asked if they could all go jump on the trampoline. It was close to bedtime, but I wanted to work a little bit longer, so I said, “Ok, just 10 minutes.” As I sat near the window listening to them laughing and playing, I couldn’t stop thinking that I wanted to be out there too. I just had to put my stuff aside.
When I walked out barefoot ready to jump, my kids all asked, rather incredulously, “Momma, are you going jump with us?” I cannot tell you how thankful I was that God had prompted me to put aside the important for the most important.
I guess it is rather simple, isn’t it? Soaking up the scripture and pouring into our children. That’s not too much to organize! I might be able to do that!
I know that there is much more to it than that…living this single parent life is so difficult and overwhelming at times. But maybe we need to take our eyes off of all the craziness and focus on Christ. Put aside the to-do list and focus on the people in our lives. Maybe we can stop trying so hard to do so much and we can just be for a bit.
Someday I’ll be organized again…but for now, I’m just choosing to be thankful for the children and the chaos and the joy!