Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 17 Along the way, my foundation has hosted talking circles across the country in living rooms and community spaces, bringing people together to discuss how we can shed the shame surrounding sexual abuse and create a safer future for the next generation. But among all my titles, athlete, advocate and speaker, the one that has sur- prised me the most is mom. It carries weight. It carries responsibility. I have two little boys, ages 3 and 4. Because of my own experience with sexual assault, I know how important it is to begin these conversations early, even though they are conversations I never imagined having as a parent. Like many parents, I've wrestled with questions like, "How do we teach children about safety without making them afraid?" But when it comes to big topics like this, the best place to begin is often with something small. Here are a few simple ways to start these conversations with your kids at home: Teach kids their voice matters When my boys were just a year old, we started saying two short, powerful phrases that they now love shouting back at me: "No means NO!" "Stop means STOP!" It may sound simple, even silly, but it's a powerful foundation. They're learning that if someone says no to a hug, a tickle or roughhousing, we stop immediately. Consent, in our home, isn't a heavy concept. It's part of everyday play. Use clear language We use proper names for body parts and explain that some parts of our bodies are private. We have a "no secrets" rule in our family. Surprises are OK, but secrets about our bodies or safety are not. Elizabeth McNally, executive director of Safe Harbor Child Advocacy Center in Fredericksburg, notes that parents can normalize talking about bodies and boundaries, use correct anatomical terms, and establish a 'no secrets about touch' rule. "Children are more likely to disclose abuse when caregivers create environments that emphasize safety, openness, and belief," she says. Keep the conversation calm and age-appropriate Children don't need frightening details. What they need to know is that their bodies belong to them, their voice matters and adults will listen if they speak up. In other words, conversations about personal safety are about helping kids embrace empowerment, not create fear. "If a parent or caregiver is worried that a child may have experienced abuse they should stay calm and listen. Let the child talk in their own words, and avoid asking them leading or detailed questions," says McNally. "Parents or caregivers should tell the child they did the right thing by talking and make it clear that the situation is not their fault." Courage isn't the absence of fear My children have watched me train for races, crawl across finish lines and keep going when things felt impossible. But they've also heard me say, "I'm nervous" or "This is really hard." Courage isn't about pretending fear doesn't exist. It's about naming that fear instead of hiding from it, and choosing to keep going anyway. Maybe that's the real heart of these conversations we never expected to have as parents. We don't need to frighten our children to prepare them. We can give them something better: language, confi- dence and the knowledge that their voice matters. When we teach kids that their bodies belong to them, that "no means no" and "stop means stop," we're not just teaching safety. We're teaching them self-respect, courage and how to stand up for themselves in a complicated world. And those may be some of the most important les- sons we ever pass on. "Often, the first step towards a child's healing is for them to experience the relief of having some- one hear, understand, and believe them," says McNally. Families also should know they don't have to navigate these conversations alone. Local organi- zations such as Circle of Parents, Empowerhouse, Rappahannock Area Community Services Board, Rappahannock CASA and Safe Harbor Child Advocacy Center offer support, education and advocacy for families and children across the Fredericksburg region. Families also can reach out to the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline for confidential sup- port and guidance 24/7, or call Virginia's child abuse and neglect hotline at 1-800-552-7096. Willis wears denim at London marathon in April 2023. 1 2 3 4

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