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10 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • December 2023 ask mom ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today's child-rearing issues —one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we'd love to hear from you. askmomyourquestion@gmail.com M A RY SHY SON In a Boisterous Family; Mom Worried He's Unhappy Illustration by Suzanne Johnson WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND ERIKA GUERRERO THE PROBLEM: I often think my youngest (8 yo) child seems over- whelmed living at our house. We're a close family, and a boisterous one! My husband and I have seven kids, two dogs, and a guinea pig, and pandemonium reigns. We all love it, except for my little one. He's always been quiet and shy, but it's gotten to the point where he hardly talks at all. He's got a really good friend that he spends a lot of time with, but I wish he were more comfortable at home. MARY SAYS: Genetics are fascinating, aren't they? An entire family can be cut from the same fun-loving cloth, then out pops a little one who bears more resemblance to a second cousin twice removed, the one who entered a monastery at age twenty-two. Which means, of course, your son may be perfectly fine in his peaceful solitude. But still, as you have expressed, you want to make sure he's happy at home. And at such a young age, it's important that your son feels confident enough to speak up when he has something to say. Everybody has something to say, even monks! The fix might be easier than you think. At the age of eight, chil- dren are trying to figure out who they are, especially within the social structure of their 'tribe.' With a little help from you, your son can start practicing his speaking skills without even know- ing he's doing it. What your son needs is an assignment. Sometimes shy people do better with an assigned role, which gives them the opportu- nity to lead rather than fade into the background. Here are a few suggestions for you to try: • Plan a bingo night and let him be the caller • Coordinate a skit and give him a speaking part. Better yet, let him direct it! • Have a structured conversation after dinner where everybody chooses topics from a jar. Go around the table and give everybody an opportunity to share. • Put your son in charge of a family activity. Perhaps you're going on vacation, and someone needs to take charge of making sure the luggage is at the front door on time, or maybe he could devise a schedule for wash- ing dishes. While drawing your son out is important, far more important is to recognize that this eight-year-old soft-spoken boy is a precious gift to your family. From him, your other children can learn the value of listening, observing, and not having to say everything that comes to mind.