Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 21 Nine Things All Children Need to Be Resilient 1. Structure 2. Consequences 3. Parent-child connections 4. Lots and lots of strong relationships 5. A powerful identity 6. Sense of control 7. Sense of belonging 8. Fair and just treatment 9. Physical and psychological safety By Dr. Michael Ungar of Dalhousie University BE CURIOUS, NOT FURIOUS When children make choices that go against the rules of school, home or the community, parents' reactions are critical. "All behavior is communication," Griffin says. "Children's actions com- municate that they have a need that is not being met. If we can meet the need, then the behavior that was put in place will go away." When children enter the teenage years, the drive for connection to a peer group becomes a powerful motivator—one that can override the knowledge of household rules. As parents try to motivate their children to achieve in academics and other areas of life, it can help to understand that many kids will seek to get the basic need for con- nection met first. "They are still trying to pursue those needs for safety and connection," he said. "They just have figured out a different way to go about it that doesn't look as stellar as we would wish from the parent point of view. How can you help them so that they don't have to use those disruptive behaviors? Griffin encourages parents to be intentional in the way they react when dealing with negative behaviors. "Change the tone of that voice in your head. Be really curious about what is going on in their environment. How are they trying to get their needs met?" LAY A FOUNDATION FOR DIVERSE RELATIONSHIPS Early childhood is an important time for brain development. This means that proactive steps at ages as young as 0 to 3 can have major impacts later in life. One way parents can prepare their children to successfully relate to a diverse world is by making an effort to ensure they come in contact with people who look different from them from an early age. "One of the great things a parent can do is expose their child to people who look different who can help meet their needs," he said. "Even simple things like being fed or being put down to nap by somebody who looks a little different can start to expand those neural networks." This equips the child as they get older to be able to look to neighbors, coaches, teachers or other community members as people who can possibly meet their needs, and opens them up to making connections with people who can help them navigate challenges. CONSIDER RELATION- SHIP-BUILDING A CRITICAL SKILL Just like you'd spend time expos- ing your child to books to help them prepare to learn to read, Griffin emphasizes the importance of exposing children to positive, loving relationships to help them learn the important life skill of connecting with others. "Relationships are so important, but we don't teach it intentionally," he says. The process can look the same as teaching the ABCs. "It's the same process, it's repetition and rewarding. It's when we pass them off to somebody else in an environment that looks different and they don't cry—encourage that," he said. This is why getting back to some of the habits that were lost during the pandemic—from pub- lic parks to library story times to other casual chances for children to interact with caring people outside the home—is important. Griffin emphasizes that it's also important for parents to model positive relationships themselves. "If they're not exposed to somebody treating somebody else with respect, all the lessons in the world won't matter. Scan to visit our website for more information about violence prevention. Sponsored Material

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