Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1511001
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 Let's say she crawls into your bed at night, saying she's scared. Tell her you understand how she feels and it's okay to be afraid sometimes. Walk her back to bed, tuck her in, and let her know you think she's brave, coura- geous, and, most of all, safe. I like to remind my son that I'm right across the hall from him, and that he's not alone. As I validate my son's feelings, I am also demonstrating that I'm confident he can manage on his own. You may have to do this a couple of times a night for a while, but as time goes on, your daughter will stay put. Be mindful of how you handle situations that arise in your life, as children model how we cope with our own stresses. Show your daughter how to manage her 'big' feelings by taking deep breaths to regain control and allowing her space to express her fears as best she can. When my son was your daughter's age, I would make him count to three, take a deep breath, and blow it out as hard as he could. When he blew out, I would tell him to imagine he was blowing his bad feelings away. This simple exercise would distract him from whatever tantrum he was in and help him regulate his emotions. Once he settled down, we would talk about what upset him and how he could handle it better if it were to happen again. Put a routine in place if you don't already have one; children thrive when they have a basic idea of how their day will go. When something comes up that disrupts your daughter's routine, give her as much information as you can about it. To the best of your ability, don't leave anything open-ended, as fear of the unknown will most likely trigger her anxiety. While you continue working with her pediatrician, begin teaching her the tools she needs. Your daughter's anxiety is not a result of anything you've done wrong. If you remain consistent, you will soon see her flourish through any obstacle she encounters. E R I K A ERIKA SAYS: Hey Mama, you're doing a fantastic job despite what you're telling yourself, but I can understand how your daughter's discomfort weighs on your heart. While figuring out why she is fearful is important, I think shifting your focus to teaching her how to manage her anxiety would be the best place to start. Once you've taught her some basic coping skills, you can circle back around and figure out the root cause of her distress. Your daughter's responses may simply be that she is a sensitive three-year-old developing cognitively and emotionally in a way that's normal for her. While she may grow out of it, if you start now, she'll be equipped with tools to help her manage and self-regulate no mat- ter what. Don't not do things just because they may make her anxious. Listen, I get it! I've avoided certain situations with my son just to save myself the agony of dealing with his tantrums. But here's the raw truth: you're not doing your daughter any favors. I learned the hard way that by not doing things that made my son uncomfort- able, I was teaching him unhealthy ways to cope. I was also teaching him that if he threw a fit, I would whisk him out of it. In the short term, 'saving' your daughter might help, but in the long run, it will only reinforce her anxi- ety. Instead, build your daughter's confidence by vali- dating her feelings, expressing empathy, and being firm.