Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 E R I K A ERIKA SAYS: Whether your daughter is doing this to get your attention or to test your boundaries, she must understand there are consequences for her behavior. I know this, because my son is 6 years old, and we are in a bit of a defiant stage. I find myself slipping into a reactive state every time he deliberately disobeys me. To keep peace in our home, I have made changes that I think will help you, too. MAKE IT CLEAR: After giving it some thought, I realized expectations had not been spelled out and boundaries tended to blur in our home. Children thrive off routines and clear expectations; without them, it's guaranteed chaos. Sit down with your daughter and come up with a chore chart that des- ignates when her chores are to be done—and how. Establish house rules, boundaries, and expectations that leave no room for misinterpretation, and be clear on what the consequences are for not living up to them. Don't wait until there is tension between you to express these things. Rather, schedule a family meeting to set your expecta- tions, agree upon a reward system and outline consequences for noncompliance. In our home, we meet every Sunday. During this time, I praise my son where praise is due, and we discuss areas that need improve- ment. I like to give him a chance to explain what happened and why. I notice that when I do this, he is more receptive to what I have to say and any adjustments that need to be made. SAY IT, DON'T YELL IT: The moment I raise my voice, my son stops listening. Truth be told, neither of us is receptive when tensions are high! To the best of your ability remain calm, but if you can't, send your daughter to a quiet place to think and tell her you'll talk about consequences later. Take this time to settle down and think about what you want to say. When you come together again, remind her of the rule she broke, tell her you don't tolerate the behavior, mete out a consequence, and set a clear expectation for change the next time around. FOLLOW THROUGH: You must follow through on your con- sequences. Under no circumstances should you cave in or give second chances. The moment you backtrack on your expecta- tions, you create a blurred line, sending the message that you don't take your own rules seriously. This was a major downfall for me, as I am all for second, third and fourth chances! I learned I was teaching my son that if he pushed me far enough, I would give in, which gave him power over me. Whether you choose to take something away, cut down time on an activity or send your daughter up to her room for a timeout, remember that consis- tency is key to reinforcing the behaviors you'd prefer to see. PRAISE HER: Lastly, be sure to praise your daughter when her behavior improves. Take time to make observations and give her positive feedback for making good choices, completing chores around the house, and respecting family members and rules. Children thrive on praise, but be careful not to overdo it; a reasonable amount of praise will keep her accountable and her cup full. Enforcing rules, setting clear expectations, and being consistent with consequences have worked wonders in my home. Our weekly family meetings have become something my son looks forward to. Even when he's aware he didn't meet an expecta- tion, he comes to the table ready to accept responsibility for his behavior. We talk about why he made poor choices and how he can make better ones going forward. Navigating parenthood with a defiant child is no easy task, but there is no doubt in my mind these changes will help you. And if no one told you lately…you're doing a great job! #KingdomForceAcademy A New Era in Christian Education! (540)360-1463 • www.KingdomForceAcademy.com The Fredericksburg Area Imagination Library, serving 22401, Stafford County (except for 22405) and King George County is ready to graduate the first class of children who recently celebrated their 5th birthday. The celebration will be held at the Howell branch of the Central Rappahannock Regional Library at 6:30 pm on Tuesday, October 24th. Keep a lookout for your invitation in your email. The Dolly Parton affiliate mails a free high-quality book to every child between the ages of 0 and 5 who wants one. The Fredericksburg Area Imagination Library is championed by the Northern Neck Electric Cooperative, the Rappahannock Rotary Club and Fredericksburg Parent Gives. The Northern Neck Electric Cooperative's mission is to improve the lives of its customers, whether it's with electricity or books. The Rappahannock Rotary's mission is to put service above self and it regularly contributes to the well being of children in our community. Like Dolly, all the champions believe that "you can never get enough books into the hands of enough children." Go to www.fredericksburgparent.net/dpil to register or donate. Dolly Parton Imagination Library Graduations Begin October 24 th nonprofi t update

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