Fredericksburg Parent

10 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • September 2023 ask mom ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today's child-rearing issues —one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we'd love to hear from you. askmomyourquestion@gmail.com M A RY Daughter ALWAYS Has to be Right Illustration by Suzanne Johnson WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND ERIKA GUERRERO THE PROBLEM: My 14-year-old daughter is a know-it-all. I wish I could say something nicer than that, but she's getting on my last nerve. Whenever any- body tells her anything, she says: "I already knew that," even if she clearly didn't. But even worse, she'll add a detail to make sure everybody sees she knows more than they do. When she's got her facts mixed up, she'll have some vague excuse, which always circles back around to her being right. Even though I say it bugs me, it actually makes me sad. Her needing to be right is off-putting not just to me, but to her brother and her friends, too. MARY SAYS: Although your daughter is 14, you've most likely been witnessing this tendency since she was small. I'm guessing she's a precocious child, and that she might actually know more than other people, since there are many folks who do. But unfor- tunately, the need to be 'right' registers pretty low on the emo- tional IQ scale, which is what's far more important here. The need to be right is difficult to let go of, but much easier when there's a reason to. Talk to your daughter about this if you haven't already. But rath- er than admonishing her for 'one-upping' everybody, help her identify the feeling she has right before she puts her two cents in. Does she want everyone to admire her? Does she feel 'less- than' when someone else shines? Is she afraid others will think she's ignorant? Your daughter may not appreciate that her need to be right is fueled by an immature impulse. In fact, she may be shocked to discover this about herself. At 14, she's old enough to under- stand the concept of emotional maturity, even if her ability to practice it lags behind. Turning Into KNOW-IT-ALL The need to be right is difficult to let go of, but much easier when there is a reason to. Point out some of the wiser people in her world, the ones who listen more and seek to understand rather than butting in to express their own points of view. Ask her whom she'd rather be? At 14, children seek role models they'd like to emulate when they grow up. They do this whether they know it or not, which is why awareness at this age is so important. Take this opportunity to help your daughter choose her heroes on purpose.

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