Fredericksburg Parent

10 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • August 2023 ask mom ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today's child-rearing issues —one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we'd love to hear from you. askmomyourquestion@gmail.com M A RY Am I Raising A Illustration by Suzanne Johnson WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND ERIKA GUERRERO THE PROBLEM: I'm afraid my son is addicted to video games. He's 12, and he's a sweet boy, but he only seems to be truly happy when he's playing his favorite video game. I do limit the time he spends on screens at home (one hour a day), but I have no control over what he does at other kids' homes. Sometimes, he sneaks a few hours when I'm not home (he admits this!), but I don't want to over-dramatize the situation by locking his game up (or removing a cable) when I leave the house. I am at a loss as to what to do. MARY SAYS: Addiction comes in many forms, and as many parents will tell you, gaming is one of them. You're wise to limit the amount of time your son spends on games, but what you really want is for him to be happy when he's not glued to a screen. Too often, we focus on eliminating an addiction without identi- fying what's missing when it's gone. Ask your son how he feels when he's not playing games. Restless? Nervous? Does he con- tinually find himself thinking about getting back to his game, or whose house he can go to and play? He may not realize how uncomfortable he chronically feels when he has to spend time in his 'real' life. Help your son understand he has a problem, which might moti- vate him to fix it. Even if it doesn't, it's time for you to step in. Your child has unique gifts, talents, and passions that will remain dormant until he uses them. What does he love to do? Gardening? Animals? Music? Draw- ing? Explore these activities and get your son involved in them, whether he wants to or not. He needs to get his hands dirty, engage his senses, and interact with people from multiple genera- tions—not just kids his own age. Video Game ADDICT? Help your son understand he has a problem, which might motivate him to fix it. And if you can mix his talents with service, all the better. There's nothing like volunteering at a rescue kennel or entertaining seniors in a nursing facility to awaken the heart, which far exceeds whatever chemical is released by 'leveling up.'

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