Fredericksburg Parent

10 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • March 2023 ask mom Tries Out for School Play and WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND ERIKA GUERRERO M A RY Depressed Teen Building relationships with people of all ages and in all walks of life will challenge your son to broaden his perspective and offer him some fascinating new people to do it with. THE PROBLEM: My 14-year-old son has struggled with depression since he was 9, and for whatever reason, noth- ing seems to work out for him. He tried out for the school play and didn't make it, which has put him in a pretty dark mood; it was something he was actually excited about. It's hard for him to make friends, and he's not a real joiner, so he's by himself a lot. His dad does stuff with him all the time (he's a wonderful father), but a kid needs to be with his peers, too. I have to admit, I'm sad most of the time these days, thinking about how hard things are for him. I guess one good thing is that he feels he can talk to me and my husband, but we don't always know what to tell him. And yes, he's in counseling. MARY SAYS: My heart goes out to you; it's tough watching any- body's child struggle with depression, but this one is yours, and as you say, it hurts. I applaud you for getting your son the help he needs, but I also hear you asking: "What else can we do?" And because you've been on this path for a while, I'm assuming you've covered the basics: nutrition, exercise, positive thinking and all the other powerful tools available to him. What I think you're looking for is something new. You're lucky your son is willing to spend time with you, which gives you the opportunity to take the lead and chart a new path. As a family, it's time to venture out and explore this big, beautiful world—and your son's part in it. While he may be a loner, I bet he has a passion for something. Cooking? Reading? Animals? At the age of fourteen, your son can apply his talents to something much larger than himself. Like your community. Go with your son to a soup kitchen. Join a local group that reads to small children or seniors who can no longer read for themselves. Perhaps the two of you (or three, if dad is up for it) can volunteer at an animal shelter. Ideally, you'll find a group that meets regularly so your son can't help but form relationships, particularly if there are other young people involved. Engaging with others on a mission to serve is a blessing for those who can't get out of their own heads. One of the issues with depression is how skewed one's perspective is. Surrounded by peers at school—where everybody is in the same life stage—creates an insular worldview that says: "This is all there is." Building relation- ships with people of all ages and in all walks of life will challenge your son to broaden his per- spective and offer him some fascinating new people to do it with. While engagement like this may not cure his depression, it can address what's missing in your son's life right now. And don't worry if he balks. Sometimes, with a child that age, you need to insist he do what you are asking him to do. Doesn't Make It

• Cover