Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1493935
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today's child-rearing issues —one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising a small child (Erika). If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Erika, we'd love to hear from you. askmomyourquestion@gmail.com E R I K A Illustration by Suzanne Johnson ERIKA SAYS: Sometimes, we project our own triggers onto our children. We're moping about their hardships, and unbeknownst to us, they're actually doing fine. Has your son mentioned feeling as though nothing works out for him? There may be a chance he doesn't care as much as you think he does. Our children watch us—closely. How we respond to situations, how we interact with those around us, and especially how we treat ourselves. So, he didn't make the school play, okay, then what can he do to make it in next time? Perhaps he can ask the teacher why he didn't make it or what he needs to work on. If it's hard for your son to make friends, find an activity he's interest in. (I know for me, it can be challenging to make friends unless I share a common interest with someone.) It sounds like your son has a passion for the arts. Signing him up for an improv class might be something new and fun for him to try. It's possible that all your son needs is one good friend. Some kids enjoy being a part of a group, but others may feel overwhelmed by groups and would rather hang out with one or two friends. I would suggest sitting down with your son and asking him if he feels lonely. Does he find it hard to make friends, or is it by choice? If it's by choice, are you OK with this? If the answer is no, why not? Could it be your personal experiences causing you to feel so sad for your child? You mentioned your son is already in counseling, which is key. But have you considered going, too? There's only so much we can hold onto before it wears us down. Individual counseling will provide insight as to how your son processes things and how you can be there for him. It may also help you sort through any of your own past experiences that are causing your grief. I bet your son appreciates the effort and support he's getting from both of you. You're doing a great job, and you sound like one awesome momma!