Fredericksburg Parent

30 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • November 2022 Fredericksburg Parent Magazine knows how much the challeng- es of the last two years have impacted its readers. As fall begins, holiday family gatherings and the extended school vacations can create additional stress in children. How do we address these issues and how do we get our children focused on good mental health? Dr. Larissa Ruuskanen, a licensed clinicial psychologist and vice president of the board for Mental Health America of Fredericksburg (MHAfred), discusses when it's the right time to talk to our children about mental health. She says mental health development starts early, "from birth" and is comprised of factors such as how we think and feel, respond to our emotions and ultimately ourselves. "Parents and caregivers communicate safety and stability by responding to their baby's needs with food, comfort, sleep, activities etcetera, which in turn facilitates attachment between caregivers and infants," Ruuskanen says. As child continues to grow not just physically, but mentally, their observations from their parents' responses in difficult situations such as how they handle life demands and how they communi- cate emotions and concerns or share happy and sad times, all contribute to a child's emotional growth and management of their own responses. Their observations of adults lay the frame- work for their responses as they encounter similar situations as they grow. Dr. Ruuskanen pointed out impact these nuances have early in children's lives. "We all get upset and angry, and at times, it is directly related to the situation at hand with our children, like when my then 3-year-old found a permanent marker and drew extensively on a freshly painted wall during naptime. Taking some time to calm ourselves down first is essential in helping our kids get to a calmer space. An upset mind has a really hard time thinking rationally. So, the parent may need to take a few deep breaths to calm down first, then address the child," Ruuskanen says. Building Strong Minds WRITTEN BY DIANNA FLETT In the example, it's normal for adults to react with initial frustra- tion or anger. If your young child senses that frustration or dis- pleasure, they will often react by getting upset themselves, spiking their emotions and creating anxiety for having done "something wrong," even though they didn't intuitively know it was wrong. So, what do we do now? Dr. Ruuskanen suggests first calming your- self, and then working to calm your child. "Connecting with the child at that moment can be holding and comforting the child, or even shifting the focus away from the drawings," Ruuskanen says. As they calm into the safety you are providing, explain what boundaries they've crossed and, if you are able, even embrace their creativity while still explaining why it was a not such a great idea. "All of this is mental health, and skill building," Ruuskanen says. "Being present and attending/listening, showing interest in what our kids teens enjoy/like is remarkably important," adds Ruuskanen. Ask any parent of grown children, balancing these tween and teen conversations is like walking a tightrope at times. It's important to remember that even though your child may stomp and rant and rave, they still need you and the insights you offer. It's important, however, to seek first to understand and then to be understood. Talking, attending and being with your children to see and hear how they're feeling, and processing their lives emotionally, is criti- cal during the tween and teen years. Children in these years are becoming more independent, exploring social connections and looking to find their own groups and relationships for connection. They're building their own lives, but still need the boundaries and whole heart listening parents provide. Unfortunately, however, our best efforts may not be enough. Caring for Your Child's Mental Health Begins at Birth

• Cover