Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1483128
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 E R I K A Illustration by Suzanne Johnson ERIKA SAYS: Upon reading, I get a bit of an impression that your daughter is a strong-willed child. While that might be the case, I think the issue here is that her nature is borderline disrespectful. Addressing her behavior while not diminishing a tenacity that will serve her well in life is difficult to navigate. Having a conversation with her about her behavior and letting her know how you feel is your first step. Remember to keep an open dialogue and extend a lot of grace. Showing grace even when the behavior is unacceptable tells her she's accepted, even at her worst. When having conversations with your children, it's important to create a safe atmosphere, a place where you both can be H.O.T. H.O.T. allows you to be vulnerable with each other. To be hon- est, it's possible she's not aware that her constant eye rolls, scowls and resistance are causing you such grief, which is why this needs to be addressed. If left unaddressed, strong-willed children can grow up to be strong-willed adults that tend to put people off. They run the risk of losing out on relationships, opportunities and more. She needs to be made aware of this. Creating a space where your daughter can be tenacious but also setting boundaries is what's called for here. Your daughter must understand that disrespecting you is an absolute 'no.' Calling her out on her behavior when she does so and remaining consistent is key. Whenever my son disrespects me, I like to get down to his level, so our eyes meet. I do this so I am not towering over him when speaking to him. I then tell him his behavior is disrespectful, and I'm not OK with it. The conversations are a bit different each time, depending on the situation, but the bottom line is you want to point out your daughter's behavior, make her aware that you're not okay with it, you will not allow it, and let her know that if it continues there will be consequences. When I have these types of conversations with my son, I always try to find something to affirm about him. Saying something like, "One of my favorite things about you is that you're one of the sweetest boys I know. Right now, you aren't being so sweet. What is going on?" Something I like to keep in mind is to avoid using the word 'but' after an affirmation. An affirmation followed by a 'but' negates the affirmation every time. How lucky your daughter is to have a mother like you who loves her enough to help shape her into a world-changer! I understand the constant attitude and embarrassment can weigh heavy on your mama heart, but nobody—and I mean nobody—can help her grow in her gift like you can. You were made for her, and she was meant for you. Honest, open and transparent.