Fredericksburg Parent

28 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • August 2022 Do you know how your children feel about them- selves? Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a shocking moment in a family to realize that a child is struggling and that they are unhappy with themselves and their life. The way we feel about ourselves falls under the umbrella of self-esteem. We hear about self-esteem so much during the teenage years, but building a healthy self-esteem begins much earlier in a child's life. Children who have a healthy self-esteem feel valued, accepted, confident and proud. They think positive things about themselves and are prepared to face everyday stresses and challenges. On the other hand, children suffering from low self-esteem tend to criti- cize themselves, are hard on themselves, feel insecure and not as good as others, focus on their failures instead of their successes, lack confidence and doubt their abilities. They worry about people judg- ing them and not accepting them for who they are. Unfortunately, this negative outlook can lead to them being treated poorly by others and prevent them from taking on new challenges. They give up easily and struggle to bounce back from their failures and mistakes. According to Dr. Marilyn Sorenson of the Self Esteem Institute, low self-esteem is "a thinking disorder in which people view themselves as inadequate, unac- ceptable, unworthy, unlovable and/or incompetent." Sadly, this type of thinking can impact every aspect of daily life. It's the result of having a distorted view that affects their assumptions and beliefs about both themselves and others. This outlook can ultimately result in them being overly critical of themselves and others, having difficulty making decisions, and devel- oping fears such as who to trust and how to cope with new situations. The worries that accompany prolonged low self-esteem can lead to anxi- ety. Children with low self-esteem will question whether they are worthy, adequate and able to be loved. The psychology behind why this happens is because there is a discrepancy between what they wish they were like and how they view themselves. They are very self-critical, never giving themselves credit for any accomplishments. Also, they are always striving to be differ- ent or better, and disappointed when they don't meet their own self-imposed expectations. This perspective, especially as it builds over time, can cause them to be fearful, on guard and always expecting the worst to happen. Generally, people with low self-esteem have the following fears: • Will they do something that shows they are not good enough? • Will others notice what they have done and recognize their inadequacy? • Will they fail, lose what they have or be abandoned? • Will they experience humiliation, depression, devastation or despair? The relationship between self-esteem and anxiety ends up being an endless cycle: low self-esteem triggers anxiety, and being anxious causes one's confi- dence to diminish as fear takes over. According to Julia Friederike Sowislo of the Department of Psychology at the University of Basel in Switzerland, who analyzed 18 studies regarding anxiety, low self-esteem is equally effective at raising the risk of anxiety as anxiety is at decreasing self-esteem. She conclud- ed that low self-esteem makes people vulnerable to obsessing over negative thoughts, which can result in anxiety and depression. Essentially, people with anxiety disorder do not have enough confidence in themselves to confront their problems. They feel and act helpless, only caus- ing more anxiety for the next time they face a similar situation. Of course, this is all just a distorted view driven by their low self-esteem. A typical example of how this works was pointed out by Dr. Marilyn Sorenson of the Self Esteem Institute. People with low self-confidence tend to worry about looking like a fool in front of others. This may cause them to become so nervous in social situations that they develop social anxiety and/or panic attacks. They may then avoid certain activities and shy away from relationships, which can really impact the quality of their lives. WRITTEN BY SANDI SCHWARTZ ages & stages Key to Raising Confident Children How to Build Self-Esteem and Reduce Anxiety in Your Kids HOW SELF-ESTEEM AND ANXIETY ARE LINKED

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