Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1475423
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 15 E RI K A Illustration by Suzanne Johnson ERIKA SAYS: Having difficulty with change can manifest in a variety of ways. Behaviors like having fits, nail bit- ing or retreating to his room are signs your son may be overwhelmed with emotions triggered by transitions. The uncertainty—and sometimes chaos—of the unknown can feel unsettling, even to adults. At 7 years old, your son is still learning how to cope with big emotions. For most of my teenage and adult life I've worked with children, and in all the years I've been in the education/ child care field, I've learned many things. One that I swear by is to let a child know that change is coming before it happens. For example, when playing with friends, whether at a park or at home, you can follow these steps: 1. Let your son know where you are going, which gives him a preview of the agenda. 2. Advise him approximately how long you will be there. 3. Tell him where you will be going afterwards so he knows what's to come. 4. Give him a 10-minute warning; remind him of what's next on your agenda. 5. In five minutes, offer another gentle reminder that it will soon be time to go. Remind him again what to expect next. 6. Give him a final warning, letting him know that it's time to go. 7. When time is up, tell him to say goodbye to his friends and remind him of what's next. 8. Don't forget to praise him when he does great with a transition and encourage him when he's struggling through one. Be consistent with this practice. Children thrive on structure and a routine they can count on. When my son wakes up in the morning, I like to give him a rundown of what the day is going to look like. This involves him in the process while I prepare him for what to expect. Involvement is the key here. Recently, my son has been resisting trips to the grocery store, putting up a fight on our way there, upon our arrival and into the grocery store. As you can imagine, this makes for a highly uncom- fortable and less-than-enjoyable trip for the both of us. After giving it some thought, I've finally figured out a solution that has turned my unhap- py little boy into a happy one while shopping. (Mostly, anyway!) Now when we go to the grocery store, I make sure he's part of the program, rather than just riding along. First, I'll put him in charge of reminding me of one or two things on my list. If the item is easy enough to find, I'll send him off to retrieve it. I also use self-checkout and allow him to scan our stuff. He loves scanning—and mak- ing the payment, too. Involving my son in our market trips has become a win-win situation for both of us. He gets to "have fun" shop- ping with mom, and I get to shop without having to diffuse a meltdown. As an added bonus, he also gets to learn a life skill. I understand your concern about your child always appearing to be unhappy, but the truth is, he's expressing his emotions the only way he knows how. Our job as parents is to show our children how to regulate and express those emotions in a healthy way. I know it feels like all eyes are on us when our kids are 'having a moment,' but I guarantee that most people are either sympathizing or feel relieved they aren't the only ones going through it.