Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 13 K RI S T I KRISTI SAYS: First of all, recognize that her ADHD is likely driving her challenges with staying organized. Second, stop cleaning up for her. While this isn't a long-term solution, it's important to recognize that, in this case, no amount of nagging will help her get more organized. And you trying to fix it your way is clearly causing more stress for you both. You might think she can do better, but being 13 is hard enough as it is, let alone struggling to function with ADHD. The fact that she gets to school and completes her homework at all is pretty amazing and should be applauded, not criticized. At this stage, she might need your help to learn how to do better instead of being nagged. Take some time to inventory why you get so frustrated about her habits. Are you worried about how it will reflect on you as a parent? Are you concerned that she won't be successful as she grows up? Is it a health concern? Does she leave rotting food and nasty laundry in her room and locker? There are some things you can do to help her, but it starts with educating yourself. Start by learning more about ADHD, adult ADHD, and how people with it function and stay organized in their everyday lives. The truth is, most teens and adults with ADHD can get organized, but it will look nothing like you imagine. You might be thinking she'll have Pinterest-perfect labeled bins, and a neat, clean closet with her clothes categorized and color coordinated. But for your daughter, it might look like doing the no-fold method with her clothes and putting them away in whatever drawer works for her. It may be giving her one folder that all her schoolwork can go into instead having five or six different ones. And it might mean you'll have to learn to shut the door to her messy room if it keeps the peace. Here are some pointers to help you help her. 1. HELP HER SIMPLIFY – If she has too many things, it will be harder to keep them organized. You can help her sort her things in her room to determine what she really wants to keep, and what's just taking up space. Instead of getting rid of the extra things, put them away in a box for a while so if she changes her mind later, she can still access them. Apply this to her school supplies, clothes and locker sit- uation. She doesn't need to be a minimalist, but many people with ADHD report having less stuff so they can keep track of everything more easily. 2. CONSIDER COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY – A therapist who specializes in ADHD and CBT will be a game-changer. While the medication can help calm things down, it isn't the only tool available for people with ADHD. They can also learn techniques that help them focus and get things done in a way that works for them. 3. GIVE HER GRACE – Have you ever seen another 13-year-olds' locker or bed- room? Even without ADHD, they aren't pretty. My own room growing up was a disaster. I shared a room with my sister and between the two of us, it was some- thing else. We had too many things and not enough places to keep them. Neither of us have ADHD. Getting organized happened later in life as we learned to pri- oritize our things and gained the ability to keep them tidy. 4. REDUCE TECHNOLOGY TIME – Too much technology stimulates the brain in ways that makes it hard to focus. For people with ADHD, this can be a real prob- lem. If she has her phone on her at school or at home, it'll make it more challeng- ing to concentrate on important tasks, like homework. 5. LET HER PLAY A SPORT – Playing sports gives the body a physical outlet to let off energy, which can help her brain as well. All the extra endorphins and happy hormones released when you exercise have a calming effect on people with ADHD. This can help them focus better, which is why many people with ADHD use fidget devices, sit on exercise balls when they work, or get on a treadmill when they struggle to focus. As a parent, I know it's hard to let our kids be messy or disorganized. But it's impor- tant to support her, teach her, and show her ways it can be done even with her ADHD. It'll get better if you give her the tools she needs to succeed, and if you set different expectations for her than you would for yourself.

• Cover