Fredericksburg Parent

12 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • July 2022 ask mom My Child is a ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today's child- rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising small children (Kristi). If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Kristi, we'd love to hear from you. askmomyourquestion@gmail.com WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND KRISTI CROSSON SLOB Remember, Mom, it's up to your daughter to set her own standards as to how organized she wants to be. Illustration by Suzanne Johnson M A RY THE PROBLEM: I am worried about my daughter's ability to organize herself. She leaves a trail wherever she goes, and her room is a mess. It drives me crazy! She's 13 and on medication for ADHD, but I still think she could do bet- ter. It's one thing to be like this at home, but she's all over the place at school, too. (Late getting there, late homework assignments, messy locker, etc.) I admit I nag her too much, but I'm not sure what else to do. Sometimes I clean up after her, but she gets mad when I do. To be honest, I resent it, too. MARY SAYS: From a 30,000 foot view, the young lady you've described sounds like a pretty typical teen. Adolescent bodies change at a rapid rate, and some- thing's got to give. Keep in mind your daughter is navigating her teen years with a wildcard thrown in—ADHD. The energy it takes to manage raging hormones—and their evil twin, roller coaster emotions—leaves few reserves for cleaning one's room or organizing school notebooks with a different colored tab for each subject. In other words, puberty can make a kid really, really tired. Tired of school, tired of parents, tired of being told what to do, even tired of being in one's own body. What your daughter might truly need from you is space. While you'd love to teach your daughter how to get organized, you might be the person least qualified to do so. Your efforts to tell your daughter 'how to improve' (yes, that's what this is) are only adding to the significant burden she's already carrying. I mean, how clean does her room really need to be? When my oldest son was a teenager, his room typically looked like a cyclone hit, but he always insisted he was "10 minutes away from a clean room." When I challenged him on it, he was indeed able to produce a passably clean room in 10 minutes, and suddenly it didn't seem like such a big deal. How are your daughter's grades? If she's figuring out how to compensate for late homework assignments (by negotiating with the teacher, perhaps) and still maintaining decent grades, she's learning how to navigate obstacles on her own. The natural consequences of being late, messy or disorga- nized will catch up with her, which is how she'll eventually learn what she can get away with and what she can't. Remember, Mom, it's up to your daughter to set her own standards as to how organized she wants to be. Unless she's suffering in an egregious way, this might be an issue better left to her own devices to deal with when the time is right.

• Cover