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www.FredericksburgParent.NET 25 Q: "A Purpose Driven Life" author Rick Warren said, "The first job of leadership is to love people." What are some ways fathers can effectively convey their love through their leadership? As a dad, I've never been perfect. Like any parent, there are more times than I count where I may have been hangry, or responded in frustration, or gave a facial expression that was less than sup- portive, which I'd later regret. But the one thing I have learned to do that's made all the difference is to sim- ply ask for forgiveness—to admit when I screwed up. It's hard to do that, but we're all human. The other thing is to understand the love languages of your children and your wife. Is it quality time, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, or simply a hug or fist bump? Q: Not every man grew up with a positive fatherly role model from whom they could learn. What can you say to those dads who are strug- gling to grasp the concept that love and leadership are not mutually exclusive? All dads struggle; we are all works in progress. Find someone to connect with— maybe another dad who's been in your shoes. Let calm be your default. It's OK to feel the way you feel but learn to process those feelings in way that allows you to see the good- ness in life and in them. Your children are a blessing. Look for the things that you are truly grateful for. Cherish them while they are young because time has a way of steal- ing those precious moments. But the best advice I can give you is to choose to be a person of faith. Trust through prayer and surrender. If you are doing your best, that's all you can ask for. God has equipped you for the task. You're going to be GREAT! Let calm be your default. Q: What kind of advice can you offer for the dad-to-be to get him off to a running parenting start? One piece of additional advice I can offer you is to write your son or daughter a future letter. Imagine who they will be as they age. Write them a letter as if they are already born and older. What's the message you want to convey to them? Shape their future by seeing them through the eyes of a vision- ary leader and dad. Think of them 6 days old, 6 months old, 6 years old, 16 years old and 60 years old. Who are they going to be? Q: As a father, what inspires you to never give up on your kids? My oldest son taught me the value of perseverance and the power of imagination. The doctors in white coats, who were smarter than my wife and I, told us after some grim medical diagnoses when he was young, that we should limit him, lower our expectations of what he could do and protect him from the chastisement that might happen from other kids his age. But as a young boy, and now a 29-year-old man, my son had totally a different view. While others said why he shouldn't and why he couldn't, he asked, "Well, why not?" He showed me the power of living your dreams no matter what your diagnosis might be. I am continu- ally reminded by him to never give up hope. Visit breakingaverage.com for more information on Paul Gustavson's books and podcasts. Cherish them while they are young because time has a way of stealing those precious moments.