Fredericksburg Parent

www.FredericksburgParent.NET 11 K RI S T I KRISTI SAYS: It's great that you're choosing to give your child the benefit of the doubt. I know he will appreciate that as he grows up. It's hard to know when to believe our kids and let them stay home and when to make them just go anyway. When I was younger there were days when I just didn't feel great. I would have a headache, or stomachache, or I felt exhausted. It was nothing major most of the time, but I didn't feel up to going to school. I remember trying to fake a fever so I could stay home. Fortunately, fever or not, my mom would let me stay home and rest most of the time. There are many reasons why your child might not feel up to going to school. It doesn't mean he's faking it. Rather, he's trying to communicate in the best way he knows how. As adults we can simply take a "mental health day" and call in to work. Kids don't get that option. Somehow, they have to validate what they are feeling by pretending to be sick so they can get what they need. Concluding a year of attending school online means your son could be experiencing just about anything that makes him want to stay home. Here are some reasons for you to consider: Bullying Kids who are being bullied often experience stomachaches, headaches, and racing pulses. If your child is experiencing bullying, he may truly feel unwell. He may also be too afraid to communicate it to you, especially if the bullying is from a teacher. My kindergarten teacher was an abu- sive teacher. No lie, she eventually got caught and went to prison for it. Once, I watched her slam a child's head against a window because he stepped out of line. It was terrifying to live in fear that I would be next. Tired I know I get tired sometimes as an adult. I may toss and turn at night, and I wake up feeling groggy. All I want to do is go back to bed. Children experience this, too. Bad dreams can wake them in the night and the next morning they are exhausted, don't feel good, but they aren't exactly sick. Undiagnosed Food Sensitivities Food allergies and food sensitivities can impact children in different ways. My son's dairy allergy left him with extreme constipation, which caused stomachaches. (It took months to figure out what was going on.) Once we removed dairy products from his diet, he slept better, felt better, and had more energy. If you think this might be the case, take your son in for aller- gy testing with an experienced pediatric allergist. Prefers Being at Home After several months of being home, your son may simply like being at home more than he likes being at school. Home is a source of safety and comfort. Most children know they are loved and cared for at home. For some children, this year's schooling at home was much more relaxed than many classrooms are right now. While it may feel like he's faking it, it's more likely your son is using the only thing he knows to do to com- municate to you. It's important to ask gentle probing questions to help you learn more about what's going on. You can start with: "I've noticed you haven't been feeling well a lot lately," "What's it like at school?", "What makes it hard to feel up to going?", "Is there someone making you feel bad at school?" Open-ended questions are better than yes/no questions. The issue with not wanting to do chores or homework sounds normal to me. My middle child makes excuses EVERY time I ask her to do something. There is always an excuse. Right now, I ask her to do one simple task at a time. If her room is messy, I give her a bag, and she starts with trash. If she needs to complete school- work, I ask her to do one thing and then she gets a break. When my kids were in public school, I would always check my son's backpack for homework. Most of the time he would tell me he didn't have any. While I don't think your son is faking it, I think that there is more going on here. Keep believing him, which helps to build trust. Start asking gentle ques- tions to discover what's really underlying his desire to avoid school. You'll get through this. From Custom Painting – interior & Exterior – to a Complete Home Makeover "WE MAKE YOUR HOUSE THE HOME OF YOUR DREAMS." HARVEST PAINTING REMODELING & 10% DISCOUNT FOR FIRST-TIME CUSTOMERS C a l l u s f o r FREE E s t i m a t e : 540-645-9405 HarvestPainting@usa.com From Custom Painting – interior & Exterior – & 540-645-9405 RESIDENTIAL AND COMMERCIAL

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