Fredericksburg Parent

10 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • October 2021 ask mom Son Has ASK MOM offers parents two perspectives on today's child-rearing issues—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising small children (Kristi). If you're looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn't around to ask, drop in! If you have a question for Mary and Kristi, we'd love to hear from you. askmomyourquestion@ gmail.com WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND KRISTI CROSSON M A RY ANXIETY He also might be picking up on how you're feeling. About World Ending Illustration by Suzanne Johnson THE PROBLEM: I'm afraid my 13-year-old son has gotten into some stuff on the internet that's causing him a lot of anxiety. He's convinced the world is going to end soon, and he can't stop talking about it. He's lost interest in the activities he used to enjoy, like playing guitar and watching sports on TV with his dad, and he's trying to convince everybody else to worry, too. (Again, by talking about it all the time.) He has also confided to me that he feels hopeless, and he doesn't know what's going to happen to him after the world ends. He is suffering so much, and I feel awful for him, but I don't know how to help him. MARY SAYS: Have you ever found your mind grinding away at some- thing you said in a work meeting or obsessing over an imagined health scare? You're bee-bopping along, happy, and suddenly, bam! In an instant, your thoughts turn into a runaway train without brakes. At best, it's annoying, but at worst, obsessive thinking can consume you in a most uncomfortable way, which is what is happening to your son. Unfortunately, heightened anxiety is a common fallout from a global disaster, which we have been in since—since—wow, it feels like forever. There's no shortage of bad news to fuel endless doom-scrolling, which an anxious mind loves to feed on. Common sense might tell you to limit your son's internet use. But aside from dealing with the pushback, you'll get, it's not that simple. To revisit our earlier metaphor, the train has already left the station. Your son desperately needs coping tools. For whatever reason, he has joined the thousands of children who have lost the resiliency that comes so naturally to young people. He may be a particularly sensitive boy, or he might be dealing with another issue that is too overwhelming to look at, which makes obsessing on the end of the world an easier option. If you are a parent, you've probably met your own demons this year, having to deal with the demands of raising a family and having a pan- demic thrown in just in case you didn't have enough going on. How are you managing? What races through your mind while you're lying in bed, eyes wide open, at 3 in the morning? Are you experiencing heightened anxiety or depression? Most significantly for your son, what are you saying about all of this? If you're not doing the 'everything's coming up roses' thing, that's good. Trying times are best dealt with honestly, rather than putting on a happy face even when you don't feel like it. But if your son is only hear- ing about your worries and fears, perhaps it's time to share the helpful strategies you use for dealing with them. And if you aren't using any, now's a good time to start. First, be aware of projecting gloom into the future, which might sound like this: "COVID-19 is just the beginning. They say what's coming down the pike will be a lot worse." Or: "Kids are so behind in school. How will they ever catch up?" Or: "Now that I'm working remote, I feel far away, like I'll lose my job any day now." Indeed, you may believe all these things, but unless they come to pass, they're just scary stories invented to feed that insatiable anxious mind. Mind your words, please. Our children need us to. At the age of 13, children want to be autonomous, and they want some- one to be in charge. These opposing 'wants' create a breeding ground for uncertainty and fear, but they also offer an oppor- tunity for growth.

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