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www.FredericksburgParent.NET 13 K R I S T I The second question is harder because it can't be memorized, so role playing with you is particularly important. Let your daughter play herself, and you be the new friend. Have her practice asking you the same few questions—many times. Each time, throw her a curve ball and help her think of a second question, based on your new answer. Stick with this until she can do it on her own. Then switch. YOU be your daughter and let her be the friend. (She'll love this!) Learning a different way of relating to other people isn't easy. But with enough practice, she'll get more comfortable with it. She will also begin to exercise her 'listening' muscle, which is a critical part of relationships that many adults have yet to master. M A R Y KRISTI SAYS: I think making friends is harder for children in this generation. Some kids are so used to being in front of screens, let's face it, they don't know how to respond when real children want to interact with them. Add to that the hover-parenting culture and the prevalence of leveraging technology for "face-to-face" learning in the past year, and you have a recipe for social disaster. And at that age, kids have always been awkward. At least, I was. While I am quite the extrovert now, we moved every couple of years growing up and making friends was tricky. I'd get nervous and sometimes the only thing I could do was act silly. Not everyone liked that. I got rejected a lot. But sometimes kids would laugh about it and be silly with me, and it was wonderful. As a mom, my heart breaks when my kids get rejected. My daughter (kindergarten) has the opposite problem to yours. She is very shy when she meets new kids. While I just want to jump in and introduce her to all the kids and get them to like her, I know I need to let her navigate these new surroundings in her way. She is learning to watch for opportunities to "be brave" and ask if she can play with others. The problem is that when a new person is too bold, she gets intimidated by their strong personality. She gets fear- ful if the other child starts following her. It's not that she doesn't like the attention, she simply doesn't realize the other child just wants a friend. As a parent, I've had to sit down and talk about certain social cues to help her feel more comfortable. It's my job to model these behaviors and to offer her ideas that can help her out. If I watch her struggle to say "hi" to a new person, all she might need is a gentle reminder that sometimes even a wave and a smile is a good start if she's feeling too shy. I also take time to tell her "great job" when I see her do something a little outside of her comfort zone to make a new friend. Here are a few things that have helped us navigate the friend-making situation: 1. Visit with the same group of kids regularly. Sometimes strong personalities can be off-putting to kids, especially if they are shy like my daughter. By spend- ing time with the same group of kids more than once, your daughter will get a better chance to connect with them and make a friend. 2. Get involved in something she can lead. It's clear your daughter has some great leadership skills. There are programs like 4-H and Scouting that can help her use those skills and make new friends. 3. Let her play a new sport. Competitive team sports are excellent for development and also help kids make new friends more gradually. Here are some other things you can try. · Remind her that it takes time to make new friends and it may take a few tries. · Teach her to listen and watch. She needs to listen to the other person and watch for cues. It's great to talk, but good friends also listen and give their friends a chance to say something, too. · Help her come up with 3-5 questions she could ask someone when she first meets them. Teach her to ask, then wait for a response. For instance, "What's your favorite toy?" or "What do you like to do outside?" There is nothing wrong with your daughter. She sounds amazing. The key is to help her learn how to take a differ- ent approach when trying to connect with someone new. Since she's not shy, remind her that some kids are, and they might need time to warm up to her.