Fredericksburg Parent

12 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • February 2021 Have you ever thought about how your birth order aff ects your personality and how you interact with others? Birth order can play a huge role in what you consider to be your strengths and weaknesses and how you react to situa ons. While not every per- son fi ts the stereotypes of their birth order, you may fi nd traits that fi t yourself or your children very closely. THE FIRST BORN CHILD First borns are their parents one and only focus, at least for a short me, un l a baby brother or sister comes along. Because of this, they are used to being the center of at- ten on and may excel in school because they have had more one-on-one me to work on skills with the help of their parents. STRENGTHS: They are generally dependable, cau ous, conscien ous, high achievers and responsible. CHALLENGES: Because they are given more responsibility at a younger age, they may be controlling and bossy. They o en develop a "Type A" personality and can be hard on themselves and others. They tend to be perfec onists and can develop a fear of failure that makes it hard to step out of their comfort zone. PARENTING TIPS: Let your child know it is OK to make mistakes and that not every- one excels in every area. It's also wise to make sure your expecta ons are age appropri- ate as parents o en hold their fi rst born child to a higher standard. THE MIDDLE CHILD Middle children can o en feel overlooked because they are stuck in between the over- achieving older sibling and the free-spirited and charming baby of the family. Feeling le out at home, middle children o en seek out close rela onships with friends and usually have a large social circle. STRENGTHS: Middle children tend to be very social and are great peacemakers. They become good at nego a ng and compromise and develop the ability to "go with the fl ow." CHALLENGES: It is never fun to feel le out or feel unimportant. This can lead to rebelliousness and feelings of inadequacy. PARENTING TIPS: Encourage your middle child to pursue ac vi es and interests that are unique to them. Make a point to spend a li le extra one-on-one me with your middle child so that they don't feel overlooked. How Birth Order Affects Kids THE YOUNGEST CHILD The youngest child of the family usually reaps the benefi ts from extra parent a en on as well as a en on from older siblings. Parents may have also, some mes unknowingly, loosened the rules since the older children were born so the baby of the family may get away with more (or at least that's how the older children view it). Youngest are o en comfortable being the class clown and love to show off and make people laugh. STRENGTHS: Youngest children are typically natural charmers and have an outgoing personality. Many comedians and actors are youngest children. They are o en risk takers and described as fearless. CHALLENGES: Parents may react less to accomplish- ments because they have seen it before and therefore the youngest child may feel like nothing is ever good enough. Parents can also have the tendency to coddle the youngest child, giving them less chores and re- sponsibility and holding them to a lower standard than older kids. PARENTING TIPS: Encourage your youngest child to be independent and learn to do things on their own. This will help build their self confi dence and teach responsibility. Charisma c younger children love a chance to put their charms to good use. If this de- scribes your child, consider what extracurricular ac vi- es might help them develop these gi s. THE ONLY CHILD The only child and the oldest child have some similar traits because both have the parents undivided at- ten on and love. Where the oldest child is eventually "dethroned" by the younger siblings, an only child has the benefi t of one-on-one a en on indefi nitely. Dr. Kevin Leman, author of "The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are" calls the only child a "super oldest child" because they develop similar traits as the oldest but to the extreme. STRENGTHS: Only children possess many of the traits that oldest children do (responsible, conscien- ous, perfec onist) but in addi on they tend to be crea ve, more comfortable talking to adults than their peers, resourceful and independent. CHALLENGES: Because they are the only child in the family they do not have the chance to work on nego - a ng, compromise, sharing, fl exibility, and other things that come naturally when you interact with siblings. They may also feel lonely because they don't always have another child to play with. PARENTING TIPS: Encourage rela onships with other children to build social skills with peers and give the only child the chance to experience situa ons that will help them learn fl exibility and compromise. WRITTEN BY SARAH LYONS It's easy to see these traits as you observe your own family of origin and your children and how they react to each other. As you consider each person in rela on to their birth order, consider their strengths and challenges as you discipline your kids, interact with them, and encourage them in the things they love.

• Cover