Fredericksburg Parent

14 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • March 2021 ask mom THE PROBLEM: I'm feeling like a hypocrite. When my son was a baby, I used to get upset when I saw a parent plant their toddler in front of a screen at a restaurant. While the grown-ups are talking among themselves, the kid is zoned out, staring at a cartoon or playing a game. Now that my son is 3, watching a cartoon is the only way he'll sit s ll. Gulp! That's me, now. Si ng in a restaurant, plugging my son in and (mostly) cha ng with everybody but him. I don't know how to unpack my mixed-up feelings. Guilty Mom Wonders About SCREENS & RESTAURANTS ASK MOM off ers parents two perspec- ves on raising kids—one from a mom with grown children (Mary), the other from a mom raising small children (Kris ). If you're looking for cre- a ve solu ons, or your mom isn't around to ask, visit ASK MOM on the Fredericksburg Parent website. WRITTEN BY MARY FOLLIN AND KRISTI CROSSON I think we have two issues here. The fi rst issue is "mom guilt," which hap- pens when you compare yourself to others—for be er or worse. It sounds something like this: "Her kids are so bossy. I would never let my son act like that" or "She made brownies from scratch? I didn't even know you could do that. Well, goody for her." Observa ons—or, judgments—like these o en indicate you're feeling unsure of yourself. Whether the scenario casts you as good mom or bad mom, something about it feels "yuck." (Kudos, by the way, for recognizing you've done this. Many people don't.) There are only two things you can do with mom guilt: get used to it or get over it. Neither is easy, I know, but ask yourself if you can set it aside (for now). We have more me-sensi ve work to do. Using screens as babysi ers is so darn temp ng, and it's cri cal to con- sider what the implica ons are. When my kids were li le, there were only a handful of portable screens. Children were invited (expected!) to engage with siblings and adults— around the dinner table and at restaurants. Social skills take years of prac- ce. Why not focus these few short years when your children are small to challenge them (and yourself) to create real-world experiences? How else will they develop a natural ability to talk to people? Who would you have grown into if your social engagements as a small child all felt like Saturday morning cartoons? Give this some serious thought. And if you're s ll braving restaurants dur- ing this me of COVID, make your decision, then please let other families do that for themselves. Some mes we moms do things we never thought we'd do because we don't realize the circumstances that lead other parents to do them. It's hard work to train a toddler to sit for a meal. My li le one is always on the go, and when we eat out, he has a short a en on span. While you may feel like a hypocrite, that's OK. It's OK to admit where you were too judgmental in the past. It's OK to think, "Wow, I never understood why parents did those things un l now." We all know that too much screen me isn't good for kids, but using screens on occasion to prevent your young ones from running around screaming in a restaurant is fi ne. Perhaps you could off er screen me as a reward for a short amount of good behavior (e.g.: "If you can sit here for three minutes, I'll let you play on the tablet for three minutes.") Put yourself in their shoes. Si ng at a restaurant with noth- ing to do but watch people eat and talk is boring. Another op on besides screen me is to let your kiddos bring a small toy or coloring book. I fi nd that when I do that and include my kids in the conversa on, they have more fun and behave be er. M A R Y K R I S T I If you have a ques on for Mary and Kris , we'd love to hear from you! askmomyourques on@ gmail.com. Illustration by Suzanne Johnson

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