Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1123474
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 33 Orson permits her daughter to say "I hate you" as much as she wants, but that doesn't mean Orson ignores it. On the contrary, she sees the words as a demonstration of her child's "disconnect- ed state and upset feelings." She described a recent interaction between herself and her daughter. Upon Orson's return from a three-day trip, her daugh- ter said, "I don't like you." Orson says, "I knew this was because [my daughter] had some feelings about me being away and that I needed to reconnect with her, so I moved in close, gave her a hug, and she started giggling. Laughter is one of the ways children naturally release stress and tension and get better connected with us, so if your child says they hate something you might want to turn it around playfully." For parents struggling to find an appropriate response to "I hate you," Orson recommends trying humor. "You could say, play- fully, 'What!? That can't be right. You must have been eating that word muddle soup that turns your words around and you say the opposite. I'm sure you love me really.' And see if that elicits some laughter." Humor is not always the best medicine, however. Orson cautions it's important to read your child and the situation. "Sometimes if children are really angry, then being playful around it can make them feel more angry [sic], in which case you have to be the best judge of what's going to work well in the moment." Another alter- native to the playful approach would be to move physically closer and make eye contact. At that point, they might actually start crying, "as they sense your connection and can let go the feelings behind the anger." In this case, not only have you resolved the issue at hand but according to Orson, this kind of tirade is less likely in the future "because your child has let go of the feelings behind it." I'm not saying I encourage my kids to act like brats. For example, I wouldn't allow them to say they hate the dinner Grandma is serv- ing or to tell a friend they hate her. In this type of situation, Orson recommends gently setting a limit, which looks very different than whisper-yelling at your child "We don't talk like that!" or threatening to take away her favorite doll. (In my experience these "strategies" are rarely effective anyway). Orson recommends moving in closer to your child, crouching down to their level, making eye contact and kindly—without shame or blame—saying, "I'm sorry, I can't let you say that," and explaining that it hurts the other person's feelings. Hate is a strong word and an even stronger emotion. I'm not say- ing I like to hear the word in my house, but I tolerate it because I want my kids to know their negative emotions are just as valid as their positive emotions. I want them to grow up knowing that whatever they have to say, I am listening. An Alternative Response When a child says 'I hate you!' it's like they are waving a red flag saying, 'Help! I'm not thinking well! I need connection with you and some help with my feelings.'" [ [ out & about INDEPENDENCE FIREWORKS Enjoy an evening of family fun and fireworks choreographed to patriotic music and celebrate our nation's founding! When: June 28, 29 (Rain date: June 30) Where: George Washington's Mount Vernon Cost: Prices vary. Visit mountvernon.org for more info. SPOTSY STARS & STRIPES SPECTACULAR Food, children's rides, Fire Dept & Sheriff's Dept activi- ties, music, historic buildings tours and more all day long! Fireworks at 9:20 pm! Shuttle service available to make parking easier. When: June 29, 3 – 10 pm Where: Spotsy Courthouse Cost: Free! 1ST ANNUAL STARS & STRIPES PARADE Show off your all-American spirit and get decked out in red, white and blue! Lead the crowd from the Holbert Building to the Main Stage where we will present the American Flag and take part in the opening ceremony! When: June 29, 3:30 pm Where: Spotsy Courthouse area Cost: Free! FREDERICKSBURG HERITAGE FESTIVAL A day full of festivities! Includes: children's parade, festival of the streets, fireworks and more! When: July 4, all day! Where: Downtown and Pratt Park Cost: Free! www.facebook.com/FXBGHeritagefestival AN AMERICAN CELEBRATION Salute the first commander-in-chief during Mount Vernon's annual Independence Day event! Watch made-for-daytime fireworks shoot off over the Potomac River and listen to the roar of cannon fire while viewing special military re-enact- ments throughout the day. When: July 4, 9 am – 5 pm Where: George Washington's Mount Vernon Cost: Included in regular admission but advance ticket pur- chase is recommended at mountvernon.org LEES AND INDEPENDENCE FAMILY FUN FESTIVAL Celebrate the 4th of July at the home of the only brothers who signed the Declaration of Independence. There will be a wide range of family-friendly activities in front of the Great House including face painting with Buzzy the Clown, fun and educational history tents featuring arts & crafts, colonial games, a sign your own Declaration of Independence activ- ity and a scavenger hunt for kids! When: July 4, 9:30 am – 5 pm Where: Stratford Hall Cost: Free! Stratfordhall.org INDEPENDENCE DAY INDEPENDENCE DAY INDEPENDENCE DAY ACTIVITIES ACTIVITIES ACTIVITIES