Issue link: https://fredparent.uberflip.com/i/1098832
www.FredericksburgParent.NET 19 Sponsored Material Join us for the live conversation on Join us this month for a live Ask The Expert on our Facebook page with RACSB! Be sure to follow us for upcoming details. Facebook: @fredericksburgparent • Twitter: @FredParent • Instagram: @fredparentmagazine a sk t h e e x p e rt Q: What are adverse childhood experiences, and why are they important to this discussion? Alison – Adverse childhood experiences are often called ACEs. Unfortunately, they're com- mon and most of us have experienced some form of ACEs. They are important to understand because we all have a tendency to repeat past behaviors, so children can be at risk of experienc- ing adverse events their parents experienced as children. It could be neglect, a consistent raised voice in the home, witnessing domestic violence or losing a parent to divorce or incarceration. Melodie Jennings, Program Supervisor – Healthy Families Rappahannock Area – It's sometimes easy to assume that children won't be affected by these experiences until they reach a certain age, but even an infant is affected by witnessing domestic violence. Any kind of lack of food in the home, or power being cut off, witnessing parents using drugs or consistently yelling at each other—all of these things can affect children and the adults they become. Q: Is being aware of the potential effect of adverse childhood experiences helpful? Melodie – When you are able to help a family understand that these behaviors are affecting their child, it becomes a lot more likely that they will turn things around and say, 'No, I don't want my child to feel what I felt as a child. I want a different path." In the work we do, we are constantly trying to turn these risk factors into protective factors, and helping parents better understand the impact of their behaviors is a big part of that. Davy – I didn't hear about ACEs until this past year. Going through the list, I was like, 'Oh my gosh, this is why I act and respond to my own children the way I do.' It made me more mind- ful of the possible long-term effects of some of the things I'd been doing. I think twice now before responding while I may be tired or frustrated, or when I come home from a day at work, I'm more thoughtful and intentional when responding to my kids. I think more about how my responses will be interpreted, and how putting them off or being preoccupied with "winding down" could be seen as rejection. I've changed my approach so that I think more about how they will process my actions. Alison – The Rappahannock Area Community Services Board offers the ACE Interface "Understanding ACEs and Building Resilient Communities" training. It provides valuable knowledge on the impact of ACEs and trauma not only on brain development but also on physical and mental health. Our brain develops in stages as we age. Neglect and abuse at any stage can affect how we grow, how we learn, and how we interact with the world around us. The next community ACE Interface training is June 12. More information is available at www.rappahannockareacsb.org. Q: Do your programs interact with Child Protective Services, and can you shed light on the role CPS plays in preventing abuse and neglect in our community? Davy – The stigma is that CPS is going to take your children. However, CPS is there to help families. We work closely with CPS when we are asked to support a family before it becomes an official intake for them. We are all prevention programs that are there to help support and strengthen nurturing families that ultimately don't need involvement with CPS. Q: How can we support each other better as parents in our community? Alison – Empathy can go a long way. It's important for us to ask not, "What's wrong with you?" but, "What happened to you? Tell me your story." You see the child acting out in the grocery line and you think, "Oh that is a terrible parent." Well, you don't know what is going on in their lives. Maybe going to the store is a challenge and this is the first time they tried new strategies. Having empathy is something we as a community can do to help our children and parents. Q: How important is it for parents to understand the development stages that infants and children go through? Can equipping parents with this knowledge help decrease the risk of abuse? Alison – Understanding child development is critical for every parent. If they have higher expectations for what their child should be doing than what they are really capable of doing at their age, then that can set up a negative relationship between the parent and the child. It's also important for parents to know that everything that happens in development is a foundation for the next step, and it's not always good for a child to skip steps. The more a par- ent knows, the more they can advocate for their child with the pediatrician for the child's health and development. Davy – That plays into preventing child abuse and neglect because unchecked expectations can build into frustration. As a parent, if I'm expecting my child to be able to do a specific task, not knowing they shouldn't even be there yet, that builds frustration. All of a sudden, in my mind, they're bad, they're not normal, they don't listen. Gaining proper knowledge of the child's developmental capabilities is essential to any and every parent. It's not fair to stress out the baby— or yourself—with unrealistic expectations. Q: Babies and young children change quickly. How can parents stay up-to- date on what their child should be doing? Alison – There are a number of apps that parents can download to their phones to understand what is coming next, what activities they can be doing with their child—easy things like that to keep on top of it. One that I recommend is the CDC's Milestone Tracker. It's available for both Apple and Android phones. CDC's Milestone Tracker. It's available for both Apple and Android phones. both Apple and Android phones.