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16 Fredericksburg Parent and Family • Winter 2019 The WRITTEN BY CHRISTA MELNYK HINES Commandments of Christmas 10 Want to experience a more joyful Christmas season this year that doesn't leave you depleted, miserable and broke? Here are10 ways to shi your perspec ve and take command of this "hap-happiest" me of the year. A empts to please others by saying yes to everyone else's holiday gatherings without taking into account your and your family's desires can cause undue anxiety, frustra on and resentment. "The holidays are about family me, apprecia ng one another and caring for each other. If the focus is switched to the less important gi exchanges and gatherings, all planned at the same me, you can't enjoy the experience and the original meaning is lost," Flynn says. For those events that you'd like to a end, but can't, fi rmly communicate to your extended family or friends that you value me spent with them and would like to discuss alterna ve ideas for ge ng together. And, don't feel guilty about standing by your decisions. "You have every right in the world to establish what you want your Christmas tradi on to be. You are not obligated to par cipate in somebody else's version of Christmas," Moussavi says. 5 Thou shall honor thy family Decide ahead of me which ac vi es won't work this year. Instead of commi ng to fi ve par es and mul ple gi exchanges, choose a few that you're enthusias c about a ending. "Be fi rm, decisive and asser ve, always coming from a place of love for everyone and keeping the focus on the origin of the holidays," Flynn says, who specializes in helping women manage anxiety, depres- sion and holiday overwhelm. "Graciously decline and send a nice card or note." 2 Thou shall not overcommit Take me to re-evaluate your pri- ori es. How do you want Christ- mas to feel? What do you want your kids to remember most? "Some mes we need to take a step back and ask ourselves why Christ- mas is important to us because I think 'the why' gets lost. It just becomes an expecta on of self and family—or whoever—to have it look a certain way," says Maki Moussavi, a transforma onal coach, speaker and author of The Discomfort Zone (to be released spring 2019). "Take a step back to as- sess, from an intangible, emo onal perspec- ve, why Christmas is important." 3 Thou shall rediscover "the why" Nothing burns holes into the fantasy Christmas like real life. Maybe the tree is a lopsided, the dog ate your 7-year- old's gingerbread house, or you were so focused on crea ng the best holiday ever that you ended up too sick to enjoy it when the big day fi nally arrived. "Decide to do things diff erently this year. Strive for the good and be sa sfi ed with the good. Too o en the focus is on the result, and we tend to lose focus on the beau ful process of ge ng to the result," says therapist Julia Flynn, LCPC, CRADC. 1 Thou shall quit worshipping perfection Self-care is essen al all year long, but especially during the extra busy holidays when your stress level is more likely to sky- rocket. Pare down your list to what reasonably makes sense for your health, me and emo onal wellbeing. And prac ce restora ve techniques that relax and re-energize you. Simple ways to recharge include a warm bath, watching a favorite TV show, a walk outside, curling up with a juicy novel, a nap or a massage. 4 Thou shall rest A empts to please others by saying yes to everyone else's holiday gatherings without taking into account your and your family's desires can cause undue anxiety, frustra on and keeping the focus on the origin of the holidays," Flynn says, who specializes in helping women manage anxiety, depres- sion and holiday overwhelm. "Graciously 4