Professional Sleep Deprivation Specialists

April 28, 2014

Seriously why can’t children just GO TO BED like angels??? Where DID that phrase sleep like a baby come from? I have NEVER had a child that “sleeps like a baby” ---- I do have teenagers that sleep well, but until about 9 or 10 years old everyone stinks at it. They either don’t go to bed easily or they wake up in the middle of the night or they wake up WAY to early! Does no one in my family require sleep but me?

My children seem to have some sort of pact with each other. Tag-team-Mommy-take-down mode.   I believe they must plan it out while I’m making the lunches for the next day.

‘OK whose turn is it to be incredibly difficult at bedtime?” asked the teenage son.

“We have this! We’ve mastered the 2 hour bedtime ritual,” spoken confidently by the preschoolers.

“What’s your plan?”

“Same as always. First we are going to get as much water on the bathroom floor as possible. Pull about 3 towels in the tub and get into a fight complete with hair pulling and screaming.”

“Then we are going to cry because we can’t find the right pj pants. Followed by requests for bananas, drinks of water, extra prayers, fighting over whose bed Mommmy sits next to first, and maybe even a complete hysterical meltdown just for the heck of it.”

“Sounds good. Who has the late night wake-up covered?”

“I got it. I’ve watched enough creepy cartoons in the past week to give me sufficient nightmares. I’ll be going in about 1:00 am – should be right about when she finally falls into a deep sleep. I’m thinking I might wake her up again about 5 am so she can start her day earlier than she planned,” the preteen responded with self-assurance.

“Awesome. Anything else?”

“Yeah. I think I’m gonna want to have a heart to heart at about 11:30 pm. Should mess up her bedtime pretty good,” declared the teenage daughter.

“Looks like everything is covered. Have a good night everyone!”

Yeah. I’m pretty sure my children are professional sleep deprivation specialists at this point. The funny thing is I love those late night chats, and I don’t want anyone else to comfort my children in the middle of the night, and actually early mornings are pretty great once I get up – an extra hour or two allows me to get more done! That’s always a good way to start the day.

So, now if I could just get my preschoolers to fall asleep in a reasonable amount of time things would be hunky dory. Oh well, they are awfully cute and I do love them so very much. I guess a little “extra” time with them at the end of the day is kind of precious – if it weren’t for all the fussing (me and them).

I know there will be a day when I’ll miss all the interruptions as difficult as that is to believe. I suppose I’ve survived this long on 6 minutes of sleep a day, what’s another couple of years??

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