Yesterday I was at a local bookstore looking for a book about love languages when I happened to glance to my left and there was MY BOOK!! On a real shelf!! In a real bookstore!!
I can't believe how exciting it is to see it. I feel like a little girl with my first art project up on the refrigerator. I didn't think it was in stores until March 1st!
My book is called When Happily Ever After Shatters. It's my journey of walking through adultery, divorce and single parenting. I tried to share my story with hope and humor, because that's how I dealt with it.
There is something profoundly gut-wrenching about finding out your spouse is having an affair. I'd had nightmares about it and woken up feeling as though I'd been weeping for days, but of course that was nothing compared to the anguish I felt upon the revelation. It was such a physical thing...so overwhelmingly awful. At first I wanted to curl up in a ball and weep for days - I didn't allow myself to go there...at least not for days. I couldn't allow myself to wallow, I decided to fight and fight hard for my marriage...for my family. I fought until I could think of nothing else to do.
Divorce is just the worst game ever invented – manipulation, bargaining, second-guessing, fighting over things that should never be fought over. I hated it. I felt like I was giving up on my marriage but, seriously, my husband was living with another woman...was I really the one giving up? I wanted to quit the whole divorce thing many, many times. I'm not prone to quitting things, but this...this was horrendous. I just wanted my marriage back. This new life was nothing to smile about. Although I have to be honest, I did find things to smile about and even laughed a little bit too.
I was blessed throughout the whole process by friends who were willing to jump into my life...both feet! They helped with anything and everything. They watched children, cleaned house, made meals, did laundry, sat and cried with me, wrote encouraging notes, made me laugh, plotted devious schemes to unleash on my cheating husband, and prayed for me.
The praying was the best thing. I can remember wanting to say, "Please don't just say you are going to pray, really pray." I knew that my strength was coming from the Lord - I was pretty sure I had none left of my own. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating. I had this huge lump in my chest that made it nearly impossible to feel like eating. I stayed up late and got up early. I prayed a lot. Read a lot of scripture. And tried to make life as normal as I could for my children. It was very difficult, but I was determined.
When the divorce was finalized and I was really and truly a single parent, I struggled. I didn't like this full-time working single mom to 5 children thing. Was this really God's plan for our lives? I had a lot of very honest conversations with God. I had some serious questions for Him and He had more than enough answers for me.
His answers always confirmed His love for me. He loved me most often through my friends and His care of my family. He provided a job at Lighthouse Academy – my kids were down the hall and I had hope of a career. Hope was a huge blessing. He provided an affordable car through Bill Britt Mazda. He filled my pantry and freezer through my friends at New City Fellowship and Classical Conversations. His loving words were constantly before me in the Bible, but also in the notes and cards from my sweet friends.
He showed me purpose and gave me a vision through my children. I knew that giving up on anything was absolutely not an option. I had 5 beautiful children to love on. And they needed a Momma who wasn't a broken woman but rather a healing woman
He showed His faithfulness. No matter how much I complained, argued, and fussed at Him, He still provided His peace and love. Sometimes I was shocked that He still loved me...but that's my God. His love is relentless. Even in the midst of great heartache, God was still working beautiful things in my life.
Oh my! I got carried away. I was just gonna share about my book and I got going on my whole life story.
So back to this book thing! I'm so blessed that God has taken my story and made it into something that I pray will bless and encourage others.
I hope if you read it you are blessed!
You can find it on the shelf at a bookstore!! Yippee!