Reading the Class-icks

September 6, 2012

We're back to school already – luckily made it through plenty of books so we've got a jam-packed Summer Reading Log to turn it. Unfortunately, I'm noticing some questionable literary choices on it.

Chancy Nancy. The adorable and quirky tween darling door-slams onto the teen scene in a cloud of hormones and dagger-stare eyerolls. Watch as her mom, Mrs. Clancy --- also known as "Not-Ever-Fancy-And-You-Just-Don't-Get-It-Mother" --- chides Nancy on her "tiny and shiny" new wardrobe selection. "Antsy Nancy" hurls invective and stomps up the stairs as she texts Bree.

Fresh Bleat Band. Can't afford the $200 a seat to see them in concert? No worries -- they're just as annoying in print. This treacly alphabet primer will quench your toddler's jonesing for Kiki, Twist, Shout and Marina. Unfortunately, the show's characteristically hammy overacting comes through in the illustrations. You can practically hear "Cool beans" or "Hip Hop and Pop" as they laugh all the way to the bank with their robot counterparts.

Curious Boy George Gets a Makeover. Give this loveable monkey a whole new '80's blue-eyed soul look, using waterproof markers, some yarn dreads, and a New Romantic scowl. Next, the Man with the Yellow Hat gets a decent haircut, an updated palette, and a spot on the next season of What Not to Wear.

The Molar Express. Adventures in dentistry - believe!

Winnie Goes Poo. In this toilet training manual, Poo Bear meets up with PeePee Longstockings for a rollickingly wet escapade. Rabbit's tense and nervous disposition is revealed to be a result of his refusal to use any potty not in his own house.

That Lyin' Witch with a Wardrobe. Kim Kardashian serves up her new tween activity book that includes a Kim doll you can outfit with nail tips, hair extensions, and spackle. Bling and exploding Kanye West doll sold separately.

Assigned reading this Fall: Llama, Llama, Barack Obama, Romney with a Chance of Meatballs and Good Night, Reverend Moon.

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