Now that summer is in full swing, La Principessa and I spend a lot of time at the pool. Very helpful for "channeling her enthusiasm" is how one speech therapist put it to me. I think of it as simply moving the theater of war to an aquatic arena. For instance, there's that element of surprise. See, I was operating under the assumption that pools are for swimming, floating, splashing and a bit of horseplay. Not WWE smackdowns.
La Principessa and I had been playing catch when I turned and padded through the water to retrieve the ball. Admittedly, I hadn't been thinking to protect my flank. Suddenly she backed into me, hooked our arms at the elbows and yanked hard enough to lift me off my feet. Apparently she was trying to heave me backwards over her head. She only weighs 60 pounds and I..weigh..hmm, considerably more than that. Her devotion to punking mommy seems to give her the strength of Hulk Hogan.
I recovered my balance and made my peace with surrendering most of my dignity. We switched from catch to jumping off the wall. She feigned hesitance to leap into the water on her own. She gingerly reached for my outstretched arms and sprung daintily off the deck. This goes on for 327 jumps until I was lulled into a comforting rhythm. Jump #328, however, turns into a full body slam knocking me over. While I'm still burbling bubbles beneath the surface, she hops on my shoulders in what I think is a misguided attempt at a horsey ride --- or maybe considering it in retrospect, was actually a Cobra Thigh Squeezer Choke Hold. Anyway it felt a lot more like water boarding. I struggle to get my head out of the water. She grabs my hair like she's harvesting seaweed and yanks me up. Trying to save me or fling my head as far as possible from tickling her legs? You be the judge.
On the next attempt she leapt heartily but I was prepared. Except on the way down, she grabbed a fistful of my swimsuit to steady her landing. Which she planted, taking one of my straps with her. This left one of my, um --- womanly water wings --- momentarily floating exposed to the world. I dropped into the shallow water immediately and reorganizedthe girls, tucking everyone safely back into their spandex hideaway, accounted for and properly stowed in the upright position. Dignity still nowhere to be seen.
I don't want to point any fingers but do elementary schools have wrestling teams? Next year we won't spend hours waiting in line for a precious spot in local parks and rec programs. Let's put her to work. Maybe WrestleMania might be looking for some new talent.